When The House Is Messy, Dirty, And Overwhelming
I sit here, writing this post on the first day of school. It’s one of the first moments in what feels like an eternity that I have a moment of calm, to sit and hear my thoughts instead of the usual noise from screaming, laughing, and ridiculously entertaining children. For once, I get a chance to look around my home and soak it all in. Every corner, every surface, and every moment. The house is messy, dirty, and overwhelming.
Case in point…the playroom.
And I ask myself, “What happened?!” It’s like a stuff bomb exploded in my home. And why is there so much dirt and sand everywhere?
This isn’t my house. My house is neat and tidy and organized. I don’t recognize my own home. How in the world did we get here?
I look back at old photos from two or three years ago, many from the days of one child or even before children. Now that’s my house. Clean, neat, tidy, and organized. I want that home back.
It’s time to tackle the mess of the entire house.
Where To Start With A Messy House
And a dirty house and an overwhelming house. Well, let me tell you how I start tackling this mountain. Because, let’s face it, it is a mountain that I am about to climb. The mountain to reclaim my home.
I’ve been here a few times in my life. Quite a few actually, when home feels downright overwhelming. I’m going to step you through my baby steps to a clean house and a calm space. It’s not for everyone, to each your own. But hopefully these steps will help just one person move towards a tidy home.
Step One: Mindset
In the famous words of Ice Cube, “you better check yo’ self before you wreck yo’ self.” Seriously, though. This is the biggest step and perhaps the most important one, when it comes to tackling a messy house. Check your mindset.
Before I pick up just one sock or toss a single broken toy, I check in with myself first thing. Here’s my mindset checklist which I honestly have written down in a journal, because sometimes you can’t remember baby steps and you need a reminder when you’re in the thick of it.
This Didn’t Happen Overnight
First, recognize that a messy and dirty home doesn’t happen overnight. Some of it, yes. Like the dirty dishes you were too tired to wash last night after dinner or the dirt spilled from a plant pot overnight when a cat was catting.
When I look around my home, I see years of neglect, deferred maintenance, toys spilling out of shelves, windows I haven’t washed since last fall, stuff repairs piled up in my craft room, and rugs months overdue for vacuuming and washing.
These things didn’t just happen. They have been accumulating for months, sometimes years. And the longer I let it go, the worse it gets, and it often snowballs.
Yes, It’s Hard To Have A Tidy House With Young Kids
I fully acknowledge how hard it is to keep a clean home in the season of small kids. Every day I think I have ample time to tackle the clutter and the chores. And every single day, since the kids came along, I have slipped further and further behind on chores.
We may have a messy home, but we have read so many books, spent countless hours at playgrounds, gone on adventures, crafted, played games, and spent quality time together as a family. The chores have taken a backseat for a little bit.
It’s hard to balance it all when you have little kids so give yourself a little bit of grace.
But You Have Bad Habits Too
Repeat after me. I am not a bad person, but I may have some bad habits.
I have bad habits. My husband has bad habits. And my kids have bad habits. None of us are great at cleaning and tidying consistently.
But when these habits compound consistently, over time we end up with a dirty house that all of the household members contributed to. ALL of us, self included.
Be gracious with yourself and especially your co-habitants. We’re going to tackle our messy habits together.
Like Too Much Stuff
One of the bad habits we have, that I’m sure many other families have, is too much stuff. Look around, I’m sure you see it too.
It’s like Joshua Becker states, “Messy house? Maybe you have too much stuff.” It’s a great article and one that helped shift my mindset about clutter.
While I’m trying hard to embrace the minimalist mindset, declutter our home as much as possible, and significantly decrease the number of things in our home, there’s never a finish line.
Whenever I’m tackling our messy home, I always adjust my mindset around our things. I view myself as a stuff manager (term courtesy of The Nester).
Some days, I spend an entire day picking up the stuff, cleaning the stuff, organizing the stuff, repairing the stuff, or even just trying to find the stuff. Anyone else with a preschooler who loses their shoes every day?!
If you go in at the early stages of tackling an overwhelming home with the mindset of “we have too much stuff,” it will be so much easier to pare down, simplify, and make space for the things that truly matter. When you get rid of things, you won’t spend as much time taking care of those things and will generate more free time for you and your family.
This Won’t Be Done By The End Of The Day
And finally, maybe the most important mindset shift is to realize that this won’t be done in a day. It takes a long time to undo what’s been done. And you’re shifting habits in the process. Recognize that before you start.
Nothing nips a big project, like tackling a messy home, than unrealistic expectations over how much time it will take to work through. You’re not going to do this in one day. Or even one week. This will take some time.
It’s also helpful to shift your mindset from this is one big project and once I’m done, I’m done. To this takes consistent daily habits and baby steps towards reclaiming your home. A clean and tidy home is more about daily habits than working on it full-time until you drop.
It’s like in the book Atomic Habits by James Clear, which I highly recommend reading. Small daily steps yield bigger results than big actions.
Step 2: Take Baby Steps To Tackle A Messy House
The next six baby steps are how I start whenever I’m feeling overwhelmed by the state of our home. Which sometimes, in the season of young kids, feels like every day.
I’ve done these baby steps enough times that they feel grounding. They bring me back to the basics and help me let go of anything that doesn’t need my immediate attention. It’s like my toolbox for stepping past house overwhelm.
Baby Step #1: Address Anything Time Sensitive
Start by addressing anything time-sensitive. These are things like registering the kids for soccer, paying the mortgage or other bills, getting that gift for tomorrow’s birthday party, calling a plumber to fix the broken drain, or returning overdue library books.
I know these things don’t have anything to do with alleviating a messy space, but they hold space in our brains and they do require our immediate attention. If you focus on them first and work through them, you’ll feel an immediate weight lifted from your shoulders.
After those are done, you’ll have more capacity to focus on the next steps.
Baby Step #2: Do The Dishes
There is nothing more overwhelming to me than a sink full of dirty dishes and not a single spoon in the drawer to serve the kids their morning oatmeal. It happens here all the time.
And you know what happens in our home when there are no clean dishes and everyone needs to be fed? We pick up take-out because it feels too overwhelming to clean when the pressure to feed the family quickly mounts.
So next on your list is to do the dishes. ALL of the dishes.
Unload that dishwasher, put everything in its place, hand wash everything that needs it, and just keep swimming washing dishes until everything is clean and put away. There, doesn’t that feel better?!
Suddenly, feeding the kids doesn’t feel so overwhelming. Or even feeding yourself.
And you know what else happens, once you tackle the mountain of dirty dishes? It becomes one thousand percent easier to do the dishes as you go. After snack time, rinse the plates and put them in the dishwasher. Clean the pans as you’re making dinner.
Meal times are suddenly simpler. And when we have busy lives, simplifying just one thing helps.
Baby Step #3: Clean The Kitchen Counter
This next step kind of piggybacks off the dishes, clean the kitchen counter. And by clean the kitchen counter, I mean take everything off it that doesn’t need to be there, put those things away, and wipe it down with soap and water.
While you’re at it, you might as well do the same thing with the kitchen table, island, or dining room table. Basically, clean anywhere you and your family eat.
The kitchen truly is the heart of the home. It’s where I spend the most time, feeding every family member home-cooked meals and snacks, which is important to me. And when the kitchen is messy, it can feel too hard to tackle this basic human need.
So tidy and clean every flat surface in your kitchen that you use for meal making. Give it a deep clean and then maintain it over time.
Baby Step #4: Tackle The Dirty Laundry
Ahhh…the laundry. Once the basic functions of feeding the family are cleaned up and simplified, it’s time to move on to the clothing of the family.
Start by throwing a load of laundry into the washing machine every single morning. Keep that machine humming as much as you can until the mountain of laundry is tackled and every item is folded and put away.
Like the dishes, laundry has a habit of building up creating a big mess on its own, and creating a sense of overwhelm. Martha Stewart Living has a great article about how to keep the laundry from piling up according to professional organizers. A daily routine made the cut.
For the record, I am a freak of nature that LOVES to do laundry. Honest, ask my husband. So working on the laundry doesn’t take much effort from me. But as soon as it piles up or feels just a little bit overwhelming, I have a hard time getting started.
If you tackle the laundry, getting yourself and your small children dressed every day suddenly doesn’t feel like a chore. It’s so much easier when these things are in their places and no one is running around, late for school, looking for socks.
Baby Step #5: Make These Baby Steps Part Of Your Daily Routine
By now, do you see what we’re doing? With the urgent items, dishes, and laundry? We’re alleviating pain points that have a habit of stacking up quickly, putting us into an overwhelmed state which can lead to a freeze mode and inaction. When they’re done, we can move on to other things like deep cleaning.
So work on keeping up with the dishes, laundry, and kitchen surface cleaning. Create habits around these chores so you no longer have to think about them.
Baby Step #6: Do A Little Happy Dance
When tackling hard things, celebrate progress along the way. Did you do the dishes today? Do a little happy dance! Did you make the process of taking out the trash a little easier? Fancy coffee reward.
Celebrate progress as you take steps toward a clean and organized home. The whole house may not be clean…yet…but that doesn’t mean we can’t recognize our progress. It’s what helps keep us going on an otherwise lengthy slog.
Step 3: Declutter Like Everyone Is Watching
Now that you tackled the basics and the baby steps, it’s time to move on to the rest of the house. The bigger problems one might say. And before diving into organizing and deep cleaning, it’s time to tackle the clutter.
I think a professional organizer would agree with me, it makes no sense to organize all the things before you tackle the clutter. The more you pare down, the less there is to clean and organize.
I won’t give this task too much attention since I talk about it at length in other posts. A great place to start is my article on how to declutter when feeling overwhelmed. Start there and slowly work your way through your home, decluttering as much as you can.
Step 4: Organize And Put Everything Away
Next up, organize and put everything away. Absolutely everything needs a home and the coffee table doesn’t count.
This seems like a daunting task and it is. But before you organize all the things, check in with your mindset. This step isn’t about the Pinterest perfect, professionally organized, cute organizers from Target, kind of organization. This is a lived-in house and things aren’t perfect. Remind yourself of that as you go along.
But do make a home for every book, water bottle, coffee cup, and item of clothing you own. This is why it’s easier to declutter first and organize second. Put the hard work in on decluttering and make your organizing to-do list a little lighter.
Step 5: Address Cleaning
Let’s move on to cleaning, specifically DEEP cleaning.
While it’s a good idea to clean as you organize, don’t get obsessive over it. I’ll spend a little time on cleaning as I organize and declutter, especially if I’ve emptied a whole cupboard or cleared off a shelf. But I put a pin on most cleaning so one, I don’t get overwhelmed by it, and two, I stay focused on the organizing task at hand.
It’s also a thousand times easier to clean when you’re not dodging puzzle pieces littering the floor or laundry piled up on top of a dresser.
Give Everything A Deep Clean
Go room by room and give everything a deep clean. No surface goes untouched at this stage of the game.
For example, when cleaning the living room, wash the windows, vacuum the rug, dust all the surfaces, clean inside and outside the cabinets, wipe down baseboards and light fixtures, etc. Think your idol is coming over for Thanksgiving dinner type of cleaning.
What To Do If You Hate Cleaning
This is me, I despise cleaning but it’s a necessary evil. To make cleaning easier and a little more enjoyable here’s what I do.
Make Cleaning Easy
First, it has to be easy. I gather all my supplies in a bucket so it’s all in one place. I can’t tell you how many times I didn’t start cleaning because I couldn’t find the cleaning spray and it all felt too hard.
Keeping everything together and in a handy-to-reach spot helps with that.
Rock A Playlist
Second, there needs to be music. Or for you it might be a podcast, audio book, or sports broadcast. Find something to listen to that fuels you.
For your listening pleasure, I made you a Spotify playlist with my top 11 songs for 40 minutes of cleaning.
It starts with a nice slow ramp-up (Never Be The Same by Camila Cabello), my two favorite booty shakers near the end (Dancing in the Dark by Rihanna and Boom Shack-A-Lak by Apache Indian), and a slow jam closer (The Best by Tina Turner). You’re welcome.
Set Time Limits
Third, set a time limit. If I feel like there’s no end in sight, cleaning is the worst. If I know it ends when my playlist ends, I can do it.
It’s like those super athletes who say they can do anything for 10 minutes so they push through. Except replace the ripped bods with a mom bod post children and swap the kettlebell with a vacuum.
Space out your cleaning sessions. You don’t have to clean the entire house in one day. Do a little at a time, over days or weeks. If you stretch out to months you may be starting over again. Consistency is key here.
Be A Finisher
Just make sure that you FINISH one space, in its entirety before moving on to your next living space. Once it’s done, you can release that room’s cleaning needs from your mental clutter.
I am not a finisher. Although I’m an excellent starter! It’s one of my habits that I’m working on, if not THE habit I’m addressing this year. I’m learning that there’s power in being a finisher.
Set Up Some Good Habits
Once you’re done with decluttering, organizing, and cleaning you’ve probably picked up some good habits around homekeeping. Don’t let them go. The more you can make these things part of your daily routine, the more likely you’re home won’t reach the critical tipping point it was just in.
It is much easier to maintain rather than tackle a giant mess.
Give Yourself A Gold Star
You did it. Give yourself a gold star. This process is hard and takes a lot of time. But the small steps add up to big progress. Just don’t stop.
And remember that we are human beings, not human doings. Do not work yourself to the bone or beat yourself up with guilt over the state of the house.
The State Of My Home
Before I leave you to embark on your messy home journey, I thought I would give you a peek into the state of my home. A look at the wizard behind the curtain.
I am a mom of two small children, BOTH of who are in school all day as of a few days ago. The youngest for the first time. To say our home has suffered years of neglect is an understatement. I feel like we’ve been perpetually living in a messy room for at least seven years now.
In January, I kicked off a declutter challenge and managed to rid our home of 1800 items in just a few months. Winning! It was just what I needed to get the ball rolling in retaking our home.
I’ve been really good about keeping up with the decluttering, making a system of collecting items, and about once a month taking them to the thrift store.
This past summer, I tackled rough organizing. Except for the tool closet, basement, and keeping room (aka Colby’s work-from-home office). Those spaces are for Colby to tackle. Although he’s pretty open to me helping with his office.
Last week, I started in on the deep cleaning, tackling Rowan’s room first. What a world of difference! It’s been years of spot-cleaning so it was mind-boggling to see her room with everything sparkling, neat, and tidy all at once. I even pulled up the rug and cleaned the floors underneath. I’ll spare you the gory details.
Every day I give myself cleaning tasks and I’m slowly moving through our home, tackling the upstairs first before moving onto the first floor. By the time I finish this deep clean, which is taking a long time due to the cleaning neglect of recent years, it will be time to start over. But the next round will be easier.
It feels like this whole process is a great house reset, which we really needed.
Pssst…Who else feels like fall is a great time to deep clean and reset the house (while the kids are in school? And also, do tell me what your favorite cleaning song is!!
